On moving between worlds
I have no advice, but will return to see if anyone else does as I'm in a very similar boat. I too am constantly comparing one thing to another, and am currently trying to decide if I want to move my family from our U.S. home where we are very happy but a bit unsettled by everything going on, to France where we can have an adventure but likely be unsettled in a very different way. I've given myself a year to figure it out, but maybe that's the problem — too much time to obsess!
“ creating a life one doesn’t feel the need to escape from” 🏆🏆🏆 keep asking yourself that question! What would make it feel that way? Ask yourself several times a day and live into the question 💞
I don't have any advice, but I am taking solace in the fact that I am not alone in a very similar journey. I used to proudly announce that I was a gypsy and would get 'itchy feet' and then move to a new place. Always certain that the next place was going to solve the mysterious tug I always felt after staying in a place for awhile. This was all well and good and then we had a child. We moved him from Nebraska to California to Bainbridge Island before he was 6. After the pandemic and always wanting to live abroad, we decided to travel South America for a year. We only made it six months. I was incredibly lonely and what I envisioned our lives to be during this trip turned out to be very different. Our mental health struggled as we came up close and personal with our anxieties and old unhelpful patterns. I spent most of my time in South America wanting to leave. I love taking photographs so I documented our travels on instagram. People always thought we were having "the best time" and it was so glamorous, but all I could think about was how the hell to get out of here. My thoughts gravitated to where I have always wanted to live-Europe or the UK. We weren't able to come up with a way to Europe, so we went back to the States. It didn't feel great, but it felt better than being in South America. We left the United States for a number of reasons, some covered in your post. (I just didn't want to worry about gun violence at my kid's school you know?) We landed in Nebraska (where our parents live) to see them before we moved to our 'final destination' (ha! yeah, right) which was Portland, Maine (it looked good on paper!). However, we got to Portland and all I wanted to do was leave. I didn't even care to explore or get to know Maine at all. I was depressed and lonely. Our mental health was in the toilet, so we decided that community and family support is what we needed. So now for the third time, we are moving back to Nebraska. We leave this Saturday and all I want to do is move back to the west coast and not Nebraska. It's a problem. What used to be a fun adventure has turned into an anxiety roller coaster ride in my brain almost at all times. It feels like I can't stop moving until I find the 'right' place which is hard as our son gets older and makes friends and then has to leave them. It's so painful to see him hurt as we move again. To your point earlier, I know what I am doing, so there is awareness. Part of me wonders if we are just trying to find the right spot or if we are just dissatisfied with life and we are trying to fix the wrong thing (location). Like, let's get deep right? It's presence and connection with others and yourself that makes life great. The place shouldn't ultimately matter. These are the things I try to keep telling myself as we move to a place I wanted to be a few months ago but am now actually terrified of moving back to...Let me know if we can take your spot in Cambridge.